The Power Ballad

Phil suggested I do a post on power ballads. I had no hesitation. Actually, it turns out I did hesitate. That sentence was written about a week ago, whereas the sentence you're currently reading was written (hopefully) in the "present day". Who would've thought it possible to procrastinate in order to avoid doing a blog post! Anyway...

Picture, if you will, the lights gleaming on the beads of sweat, dripping from a generous amount of long blond curls. Chest hair and facial hair, entwined. The man (there's no doubting that's what he is), walks effortlessly and purposefully to the wooden bench, sits down and closes his eyes... That was the last time I used a public sauna. So, onto power ballads.

There is nothing quite like the sight of a grown, permed man wearing a skimpy lycra outfit, pouring his heart out to a mass of mullets in a stadium. The power ballad is usually packaged as a reflective interlude to the testosterone-charged, riff-laden ROCK that fills up the set list at the average stadium-rock concert. In the eighties. It's very easy to predict the structure of the song. It will begin with the soft, hopeful plucking of an acoustic guitar. If not, then probably the graceful, ambient chords of a synthesiser. If not, then certainly the restrained, minor-key melody of the piano. Probably a grand piano that looks hopelessly out of place, yet oddly suitable in the seedy surroundings of the film clip. The instrumental intro will lead into the opening verse up until the chorus, where the "power" part of the ballad rocks up. The guitars will become distorted, the vocals more aggressive, and the band members' hair will be tossed back to emphasise the poignancy of the moment. After this, expect a heartfelt guitar solo, climaxing in an even more high-pitched version of the chorus, presumably the pants are suddenly, somehow tightened at the crotch, at this point.

Europe's Carrie is a great example for the standard power ballad. Have a listen (and a look, if you have a strong stomach). If you listen carefully, it sounds like the singer is saying "Gary", instead of "Carrie". Or perhaps that happens if you listen carelessly. I'm not sure. Or it could just be me.

The most important aspect of the power ballad, is the outfit. Can you imagine how fun it must have been to be an eighties rockstar? "So should I wear the sleeveless denim jacket with the purple leather pants, or the velvet-lycra combo?"
"Why don't you wear the gold hotpants? You haven't pulled on those babies since the Eastern Europe tour in '84."
"Hey good call man, but what are you gonna wear?"
"Two words: Spandex. Jumpsuit."



What would you wear if you could be king or queen of the power ballad?