Lactose Tolerance

I've been thinking about cheesy songs recently. I've noticed that a lot of cheesy songs came from the seventies and eighties; although there was a lot of cheese in the sixties, it was often coated in enough sugar to qualify as something more digestible. I've made a list of six essential cheesy songs, but let me first explain the criteria of this list... The following will not necessarily be the most cheesy songs ever, for I'm sure there have been cheesier songs written, it's just that no one listens to them. Of course patriotic anthems are cheesy, but that's more like processed cheese. The type of cheese I'm talking about is blue brie - songs that, at the time of creation (the song's creation not THE creation of the world), were trying to be regular pop or rock songs, but have now given up on that and have matured into mouldy cheese - festering in the exposure of their true food group.

The thing that makes a "good" (and I'm not sure if that's the right word) cheesy song is the tune. I'm assuming there will be plenty of synth and white suits. But the thing that brings the following songs together, is that they have very memorable, catchy tunes. A tune that you might remember during the day, tricking you into thinking that the song it belongs to is actually a good one. You sing this song in your head and it almost becomes a guilty pleasure. Until at last you hear the song played in a waiting room, bus, or worst of all, you SEE IT on a late night TV promo for Forgotten Classics of the 70s. And then you remember how bad the song was and hope you never start humming it again. But you do.

So here's my top 6 essential cheesy songs:
(There's no order because they're all as bad as each other)

Baby I Love Your Way - Peter Frampton
The person responsible for uploading this song onto Ewe Tube, had the nerve to describe it as "a little fixer upper". This song does not fix anything.

All Out Of Love - Air Supply
For quite some time, I was under the impression that the chorus was sung by a girl. This film clip is an eye-opening experience. And isn't 'Air Supply' an atrocious name for a band?!

I Wanna Know What Love Is - Foreigner
I don't wanna know about this crusty guy's desire to know what love is. And I certainly don't want to show him.

Lady In Red - Chris De Burgh
There was a song we sang at Crossroads recently that sounded remarkably like this rotten song. At least, it had the same chorus. Not only was that a distraction to me at the time, it put this song in my head and it has stayed there for the last few weeks. Seriously, when I wake up I can't help but hear "laaaady in reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed".

I Just Called To Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder
Stevie Wonder has released some really cool songs. He also has done 'Ebony and Ivory', 'Isn't She Lovely' and this. I heard it in the super-market the other day and it was the perfect soundtrack for wandering around the aisles.

The Longest Time - Billy Joel
Billy Joel is a cheese factory masquerading as a rock legend. Surely this song is proof.